


Our little Tord-manian Devil

by Iamacarrot



Series: Paul and Pat are amazing parents! :D [1]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Baby Tord, Characters from the show - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Family, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, He's still cute and cuddly though, I portray Tord like an animal in some chapters, In others he is like a con-artist in training, M/M, Not the actual people, Parent AU, Paul and Patryck are great parents, Paul is the worrier in this one, Paultryck - Freeform, Toddler Tord, Tord is like a baby Tasmanian Devil, Use of Paul and Pat, Which is why I named this the way I did
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-05-27 03:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15015569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamacarrot/pseuds/Iamacarrot
Summary: Life with a baby is enlightening. Life with a toddler is frightening. Life with a teenager is horrifying, and life with a young man going off to college is the end of the world. For a parent anyways. Paul and Pat have to learn this... after Paul introduces baby Tordenvær to Pat, and the latter accepts him with open arms...After arguing with Paul about how horrible the idea is.





	1. Why is there a baby on the couch?

**Author's Note:**

> The rating is T+ because of mentions of funny dances and ghost noises... you know, parent-toddler stuff.
> 
> Nothing is graphically described though.

Pat groaned as he walked into his small, shared apartment, sighing with relief as he plopped down, legs weary from walking around and shopping for more than two hours. "I don't understand how we eat so much, so quickly." he sighed. Rest was all he needed right now. Well, rest, and his mate, Paul.

Speaking of, where WAS Paul? Pat could have sworn that Paul was home, as his car was parked in the lot neatly. Humming, Pat didn't think as he ended up unconsciously swatting something away from his right hand. He had assumed it was a fly, and thought nothing of giving a harsh smack in the general direction without a glance. He regretted the decision, however, when he heard a loud squeal of surprise and loud screaming after he carried out the action.

"TORD! What happened?! Did baby fall off of the couch?! Oh dear! Please don't... cry..." Paul shouted, trailing off and chuckling nervously as he saw the shocked look on Pat's face. "I uhm... I can explain..." Paul claimed, shrinking slightly when Pat gave him a second look that stated 'Then do'. "Before I start, you HAVE to promise me that you won't suggest putting him up for adoption!" Paul huffed, sitting next to Pat and grabbing his hands. Pat sighed, Paul always knew how to start off conversations like this one. However, usually, when he starts conversations like this one, he ends up getting himself into more of a dilemma than he expected.

"Paul-" "Please! Sweetheart! He's so little! You know how mean kids can be here! He could get involved with something he shouldn't!" Paul argued. "Baby, we're spies for a secret army. What about that sounds like stuff he should be getting involved with?" Pat chuckled, sighing in frustration as Paul threw himself onto his lover's chest. "I'mma gonna cry now..." Paul whined. "Oh... don'ta cry." Pat sighed, lifting Paul's chin and placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

The baby, whom was forgotten by the two adults for that short time, sniffled, laughing at the displays of affection between the two. Paul smiled against Pat's lips, pulling back and leaning over Pat, grabbing the baby and pulling it to him gently. "He's a good baby. I swear he is. He was so quiet when I brought him home. He was asleep until you got home." Paul explained.

Pat looked at the baby skeptically, looking back to Paul afterwards, and melting at the absolutely ecstatic look on both of their faces. "Well, he is... kinda cute. For a baby... but-" "Oh Pat, please don't." Paul whined, knowing what Pat meant when he said that three letter curse word. "Paul, you know as well as I that Red Leader won't approve of him. How will we be expected to fight with a baby slung on either of our backs?" Pat asked. Paul let out a sound similar to a whimper, holding the baby close. "We could train him! It wouldn't hurt to have a young trainee with us. It would make our lives a bit more-" "Clustered and hectic." Pat finished. "PAAAAATRYYYYYCK!" Paul whined, causing the baby to whine out too, seemingly trying to emulate Paul.

"PAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUULLL" Pat replied, pulling Paul close and chuckling. "Don't send Tord awaaaaaaaaaay!" Paul whined. "You named him?" Pat asked. Paul shook his head. "I didn't name him, there was a sticky note on his blanket that said his name was Tordenvær. I shortened it so I wouldn't have to feel the need to speak Norwegian every time I addressed him." Paul explained. Pat leant his forehead against Paul's, their eyes locking. "I want him." Paul whispered. "I know baby. But I don't know how to take care of a baby, and I'd be surprised if you did." Pat sighed.

"We could learn! All babies are different! He could be the best soldier!" Paul whimpered, doing his best to win Pat's favor. It was so difficult to get Pat to agree with these things, mainly because he had the common sense to say no. Pat smiled softly, kissing Paul's nose before moving back and standing up. Paul watched as Pat walked towards their room.

"Wait... is that a yes?!" Paul asked, moving to stand and almost dropping the baby, who started wailing. "Oh no! No no no! Don't cry! Shh... don't cry..." Paul whispered, holding Tord close and whispering a lullaby. "Everything is gonna be okay... as long as Pat and I are here, you'll be safe..." Paul cooed. "Pah... Pah... Pah!" Tord cooed. "Oh my God... PAT! BABY! BABY! GET IN HERE! TORD'S TRYING TO SAY YOUR NAME! THIS PROVES THAT HE BELONGS WITH US!!!!" Paul screamed.

Pat smiled, grunting as Paul bumped into him, shoving baby Tord in his face. "Say it again Tordie!" Paul encouraged. Tord smiled, shoving his fist in his mouth and giggling, a seemingly mischievous gleam in his young eyes. Though, that could have just been the lighting.

"Paul." Pat sighed, eyes widening in surprise as a finger was harshly pressed against his lips. "Tord... please? For me? For daddy Paul?" Paul pleaded. "Daddy Paul? Seriously? No consent from me, and you're already calling yourself a father?" Pat asked. Paul frowned, handing Tord to Pat and trudging over to the bed, plopping down onto his stomach and sobbing. "Paul. Don't cry." Pat sighed, sitting next to his lover and holding onto Tord with a firm grip.

Paul mumbled something through the sheets, somewhat unintelligible from his position, but Pat heard a good chunk of it, and put the pieces together. "Sweetie, it's not that I think you wouldn't be a good father." Pat replied. Another muffled sob. "No, I don't hate you for pretending to be his dad." Pat assured. A muffled yell came out this time. "Well he's not ours! I've already told you that things just wouldn't work!" Pat argued. Another muffled reply. "You know I love you. I've never said otherwise." Pat chuckled. A muffled question. "Yes, I do remember that. But, I was drunk. You can't trust my word when I've had too many drinks." Pat answered. "You don't love meeeeeeeeeee!" Paul wailed, lifting his head up to shoot a glare at Pat before slamming his face back into the sheets.

"You're gonna suffocate, hun." Pat hummed, scooting back and lying next to Paul, Tord falling onto his belly as a result.

Paul looked over to Pat, pouting and whimpering. "You're enough of a baby as is." Pat teased, a concerned look appearing on his face as Paul choked out another sob. "He needs a home... we can't just put him in an orphanage... he's so young..." Paul sniffled, hiccups coming and going every now and then.

Pat said nothing, looking up at Tord instead and focusing on his innocent look. He had no idea what was happening. All he knew, was that he was in a place with two giants who were making the funniest faces he'd ever seen. Smiling, Pat thought about all of Paul's arguments. Having a baby would make things interesting, and he and Paul were flexible. They COULD make things work. Red Leader did say he'd like more young recruits anyways.

"Jeez. You always get me with the crying, Paul." Pat laughed, smiling in Paul's direction. Paul perked up slightly. So many emotions were flying through the atmosphere. Confusion, sadness, happiness, anger, embarrassment... so many emotions.

"Are you saying we can keep him?" Paul gasped. Pat nodded, flinching when Paul screamed. "We'll be the best fathers ever! Just call me Daddy!" Paul squealed. Pat blushed lightly, putting that on his mental kink list, which would now have to be used sparingly with the new addition. But he could manage. "We'll have so much fun! He'll grow into a beautiful boy, and such a handsome man! He might turn out like YOU babe!" Paul shouted excitedly.

Pat smiled, a painful groan escaping his throat at the thought.

"Oh, stop being so modest honey. You're a great person! A bit... rough around the edges, but you're a better role model than I am." Paul assured. "Please, don't lie to yourself. You're the better role model."

"No, you are."

"No, you are, for sure."

"You're the better one! You're so strong and so smart!"

"You're so caring and thoughtful. I couldn't think of a better role model!"

"You're better! You can't say I am!"

"Paul."

"Pat."

"PAH!"

Paul and Pat both gasped, looking at Tord in awe. "He just... he just tried to..." Pat whispered. "I know. Isn't it amazing?" Paul asked, smiling. "This is incredible... I'm... I'M A PAPA!!!!" Pat shouted, laughing along with Paul as the two hugged, Tord in between them. Tord squealed, wiggling happily. "It's as if he knows what we're saying." Paul giggled. "Maybe he does." Pat replied absentmindedly.

Paul sighed, happy that this turned out so well. He knew that he and Pat would make great fathers!

Besides, it was just a baby, they've handled worse, and Paul was always watching cute baby videos. If those parents could raise such cute babies, why couldn't they? It wasn't like it was going to kill them, so what's there to worry about...?

What could happen?


	2. Baby hogger...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pat is happy to see that his husband is spending so much time with their new baby, but he just wishes that he could have some time with the baby as well. Maybe if he can prove that the baby wants to bond with him too, Paul will be a little more lenient in his baby hogging habit.

"Who's my cute baby? Who's my cute little baby-waby? You are! Yes you are!" Paul cooed, kissing baby Tord's cheek repeatedly. Tord squealed, waving his arms around as Paul held him in the air, their position on the bed being the only place that Paul trusted himself to do so. Tord babbled, a bit of saliva dripping onto Paul's cheek, but Paul didn't mind. "You're so silly! You're a silly baby!" Paul giggled.

"Paul! I need you!" Pat shouted, the tone in his voice stating that he was aggravated. "Ah jeez. Alright honey, you stay quiet. You know how Papa gets when he's mad." Paul teased, setting Tord in the cradle next to their bed and walking out of the room. "What's going on?" Paul asked. "We need to talk. About Tord." Pat huffed, pointing to the couch, indicating that he wanted Paul to sit. "Okay?" Paul responded, sitting on the couch and giving a confused expression as Pat sat next to him, arms crossed.

"Is... something wrong? I mean, I haven't noticed anything wrong with Tord." Paul hummed, trying to remember if he'd noticed anything off about Tord. "I guess I've noticed a few excessive sneezes here and there. But it's dusty, you know? It could be allergies. He's had a normal temperature, and I haven't noticed any change in his stool. He's been eating right. I honestly can't think of anything that-" "I want you to stop hogging him!" Pat blurted out. Paul raised one of his famously large brows, snickering as he processed the statement.

"Hogging him? Honey, you DO realize that you can play with him whenever you want... don't you?" Paul asked. "Yeah right! You've always got him on your hip, or in your lap! Wherever we go, YOU'RE always the one he wants! I want to be part of his life too!" Pat complained. "All you have to do is ask." Paul replied, smiling as he pecked Pat's nose. "Here, I'll go get Tord and bring him in here. Then you can play with him." Paul proposed, walking back into their room.

When he returned, Tord was happily leant against his chest, giggling at the sight of his Papa Pat. "Pah! Pah!" Tord laughed. "See? He wants to be with you too!" Paul giggled.

Pat calmed down slightly, a small smile appearing as Tord reached out for him. Pat reached out to grab Tord, and grunted when Paul pulled the baby back. "Paul?"

"Umm... well, I just, uh... are your hands clean? I don't want to risk getting him sick." Paul asked. Pat stared at Paul with a blank expression. So he was REALLY gonna play this game right now? Really?

Okay then. Pat could play that game too.

"Yes, my hands are clean. I'm up-to-date on all of my shots, I haven't been drinking or smoking for the past three days, and I've had plenty of rest, so my reflexes should be up to the SRE." Pat replied. Paul hummed in slight hesitation, slowly handing Tord to Pat. "Wait! I can't!" Paul whined, hugging Tord close. Pat narrowed his eyes, slowly getting triggered by Paul's behaviour.

"Babe, It's not like I'm gonna put him in the oven and eat him... or will I?" Pat teased. Paul smiled, laughing as he allowed Pat to hug him. "So can I please hold OUR baby? Please?" Pat asked. Paul nodded, handing Tord to Pat.

Tord giggled, gripping onto Pat's neck and holding himself in place. "Whoa! You're strong for a baby!" Pat chuckled, laughing as Tord crawled up onto his shoulder, twisting so that he was on top of Pat's head.

While this happened, Paul was trying not to pass out. How could Pat be so careless?! Did he have no knowledge on how to handle babies?! This had to stop! Paul NEEDED to intervene!

"Patryck. Give me. The baby..." Paul seethed, a fierce look on his face as Pat gave him a confused look, grabbing Tord from off of his head and cradling him, a look on his face that said 'Is this better?'.

Paul sneered, crossing his arms as his foot tapped on the floor rapidly. "He wasn't going to hurt himself, Paul. He's just having fun!" Pat replied. Paul huffed, beginning to pace as he battled with himself. "Paul, calm down sweetheart. I'm not going to hurt him. Don't you trust me?" Pat asked.

That got to him.

Paul stopped, sighing heavily and shaking for a second before walking over to Pat, placing a harsh kiss on Pat's lips. Pat grunted in surprise, but didn't complain, giggling when Tord's hand moved in between their lips. "Pah!" Tord shouted. Paul and Pat smiled fondly. "I'm sorry..." Paul sighed. "It's fine, I get it. You just don't want him getting-" "Pah-Pat! Pah-Pat!" Tord squealed. "Oh my goodness! Shut up and give me my baby! You know your daddy's name! You were saying MY NAME this whole time?!" Paul gasped, grabbing Tord and swirling him around.

Pat smiled, slouching slightly. If Paul was going to be this way throughout Tord's entire lifespan, then he could just say goodbye to any privilege of being acknowledged as the 'Cool dad'.

What's worse, is that Paul would destroy any and every representation of 'Cool' in Tord's life. "You're going to ruin him..." Paul sighed. "He knows my name baby! HE KNOWS MY NAAAAAAAAME!"

"He was gonna learn it anyways!"

"That must mean... I'm his favourite dad... Is that it, Tord? Is Daddy Paul your favourite? Tell me, Daddy Paul, or Papa Pat?" Paul asked. "D... Dada!" Tord screamed. Paul gasped, swooning and almost falling. Luckily, Pat caught him easily. "I'm his favourite~" Paul whispered, smiling widely. Pat smiled, his day having been incredibly eventful for having no enemy alerts. "I swear, I'm gonna die before this kid turns four..." Pat sighed. "No! Then, there will be no favourite!" Paul shouted. "Oh, I love you too, baby." Pat groaned.

"...I'm his favourite." Paul giggled. "If you say that one more ti-" "PAPA!"

"..."

"Paul...? Baby...? Sweetheart...? Honey...? I love you...? Please don't kill me. I had nothing to do with thi-" 

"I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SRE: Soldier Reflex Expectancy (something I made up for the situation.)


	3. Where did he go?

"Paul, please! It's not my fault!" Pat groaned, failing to hold back a smile as Paul leant against him in bed that night, putting him in a light chokehold. "I wanted to be his favourite!" Paul whined. "He doesn't need a favourite, he's a baby." Pat reminded. Paul stuck his tongue out, letting Pat go and lying on his chest. "Bleh." Paul huffed. "Bleh to you too." Pat replied, chuckling as Paul pulled him into an intimate kiss. "Now, onto the matter of me holding him." Pat hummed after the kiss ended. Paul groaned playfully, giggling as he nuzzled against Pat's cheek. "I GUESS you can hold him... on weekends." Paul replied, squealing as Pat pinned him against the mattress.

"You're a tease~" Pat chuckled, pulling Paul into another kiss.

However, a few seconds into the kiss, Paul retreated, gasping as he pushed Pat up and looked over at the cradle. "Oh my God... Patryck, where's the baby?" Paul asked. Pat looked over at the cradle as well, jumping off of the bed in no time and looking around the room frantically, Paul doing the same.

"Tord? Tord?! TORD?!?!?" Paul screeched, rushing around the house and looking in every corner, counter, and chair. "Oh my God! Our baby is gone! We've lost our baby!" Paul wailed, falling onto his knees. Pat leaned next to Paul, cradling him close, keeping his composure so that he could calm Paul down.

A sudden giggle then startled the two into looking up, both gasping in horror as they saw Tord happily sitting on top of the book shelf in the living room. "HE'S GONNA FALL!" Paul screeched, fainting and falling into Pat's arms. "How did he even get up there?" Pat muttered, picking Paul up and carrying him into their room, placing him in bed and giving him a small peck on the cheek before returning to the living room and retrieving Tord. "Now, how did you get up there?" Pat asked, knowing that the baby had no idea what he was saying.

Well, at least he was sure that Tord had no idea. Until Tord began struggling to be put down, pointing at what seemed to be a small, hand created ramp. "You're telling me... that YOU built THAT?" Pat asked, eyes widening as Tord smiled, clapping his hands together. "You're just a baby! How could you move all of that stuff?" Pat asked. Tord laughed, doing his best to flex, mimicking what he had seen from Pat.

"This is awesome." Pat chuckled, realization hitting him suddenly when he heard Paul whimper. "Your daddy is gonna kill you." Pat groaned. "Scratch that, he's gonna kill me. It's not MY FAULT that you're so smart! I mean, yes, it's impressive, and yes, he was right about you being a great future soldier, but that's not gonna stop him from tearing me to shreds...! Why am I saying this to a baby?" Pat asked himself. Tord shrugged the best he could.

"You're a scary little kid." Pat whispered, shivering at the mischievous giggle Tord emitted.

"Papa!" Tord shouted, grabbing onto Pat's nose. "Yeah, you're cute, but you're not gonna get to me that easily~" Pat cooed, knowing he was lying as he pulled Tord into a hug.

Tord sighed happily, yawning after a while. "Yeah, me too. Come on, let's get you to bed." Pat hummed.

After getting Tord settled, Pat plopped onto the bed next to Paul, whose tear stained face tore Pat to shreds. Tord was gonna be the death of one of them, and Pat prayed to every God that it wouldn't be Paul. Living life without Paul, was like being dead in every sense of the word. If Paul went, then Pat would have to go too. 

Tord made a sound similar to a growl, his stormy grey eyes focused intensely on the two men, before they shut and he was happily asleep.

Pat was more than concerned at that, but he ruled that Tord was just a baby. Babies do weird things. Yeah. They do weird things. Eventually, Pat fell asleep as well, no sounds, except that of soft breathing of all three males, filling the room.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The next morning, Paul awoke to the smell of food, groaning as he sat up and stretched, going through his morning routine before trudging into the kitchen, gasping and almost fainting once more as he saw Pat feeding Tord on the couch. "He's okay?!" Paul shouted, rushing towards the couch and landing next to Pat, moving to hug him until Pat raised a finger, allowing Tord to finish his milk. "Yeah, all I had to do was grab him." Pat chuckled, now allowing Paul to hug him, gently, of course.

"How'd he even get up there?" Paul asked, brows raising in surprise as Pat and Tord both pointed to Tord's baby-made ramp. "HE built THAT?" Paul asked. "That's what I said." Pat replied. "Wow. Our baby is a genius!" Paul shouted, quieting down when Tord squealed, the loud noise being too much for him so early in the morning.

"Sorry hun." Paul apologized, placing a hand on Tord's cheek. Tord cooed, leaning into Paul's hand and yawning.

"Well, I should get him ready." Pat hummed. "For what?" Paul asked, making Pat freeze.

That's right.

Pat hadn't told Paul about the call he'd received earlier.

Oh, this was going to end badly.

"Well... Red Leader called." Pat answered. A worried look crossed Paul's face. "And?" he asked. "I told him about the baby, and... he wants to see him. Says that he wants to see for himself if Tord is soldier material." Pat finished. "YOU'RE LEAVING THAT DECISION TO RED LEADER NOW?! HE'S STILL A BABY, PAT!" Paul yelled. Tord screamed in response.

"I know! But I thought it would be better if we found out now! So we wouldn't risk putting him in danger!" Pat groaned. "Oh come on baby, don't look at me like that!" Pat sighed, referring to Paul's heartbroken look. "If Tord makes one wrong move, Red Leader will have him killed on the spot... I don't want him to die, Patryck... he's the best thing that's ever happened to me!" Paul sobbed, catching his mistake quickly.

Damn it! Paul had always heard people say that very phrase in movies, and he'd told himself that he'd never say that to Pat, about anything... but how was he supposed to keep himself from saying that about the baby as well?

"Pat, you know I didn't mean it like that." Paul whimpered, reaching out and grabbing Pat's arm, who stood, looking at the floor. "Yeah. I know." Pat sighed, sniffling as he passed by Paul to get Tord ready for the trip to their base.

"Patryck, please." Paul pleaded, waiting for Pat to place Tord in his mobile car seat. After Pat did so, Paul enveloped Pat in a tight hug. "I love you, so much, just as much as I love Tord. I could never love either of you more than the other... it was just a spur of the moment thing." Paul explained. Pat sighed, hugging Paul back and resting his chin atop Paul's head. "I know it was... Eyebrows..." Pat hummed, using the silly pet name that their friends would call Paul when they were younger. "Birdwing hair." Paul giggled.

It was a mystery in itself how Paul and Pat managed to solve their quarrels so quickly. Perhaps it was the fact that they knew it wouldn't matter in the future. Perhaps it was the fact that they were always so compatible with each other from day one. Perhaps they just had so many petty fights, that anything could be solved at this point with love, hugs, kisses, and pet names.

Whatever the reason, the two knew it would come in handy. They could teach Tord how to correctly handle a problem. How to create healthy friendships, and how to keep them lasting, for a long time.

Well. Maybe.

"DEATH!" Tord screamed.

Yeah, that was a huge MAYBE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I hinted at the Traitor AU! It wasn't intentional, but I only noticed it after reading through! I refused to change it, because it moves the story along. In all honesty, I can't handle the Traitor AU, it makes me too sad. But, and I hate to say this, if it ends up going towards that, I may or may not have to include that AU in along with this one near the end.
> 
> I'm sorry.


	4. Don't compare

Patryck had always loved driving to the Red Army base with Paul. It always gave them extra time with each other without the stress of work or, forced intimate activity. They were never forced to be close just because they were upset. They were just close to be close. Depending on the distance away from the base they were (Currently 2 1/2 days), they would get a perfect amount of alone time.

"Focus on the road, hun." Paul chuckled, his phone being the only thing illuminating his face in the darkness at the moment. "Okay. I'll try." Pat replied, raising his hands and frowning slightly when Paul took the wheel in one hand, steering the car steadily. "You're no fun anymore." Pat complained. "Pat, I love your playful side, I genuinely do, but-" "I know, I know. We're parents now." Pat sighed, placing his hands back on the wheel. Paul put his phone down, moving the hand that was steering and placing it on Pat's arm, looking up at him solemnly. "Please don't take this as an excuse to be distant." Paul pleaded.

"I would never! I understand that you want to be a good father. I do too. It makes sense that you're being a bit more... uptight. For lack of a better word." Pat assured.

Paul sighed, squeezing Pat's arm gently. Pat smiled, the gesture missed as Paul yawned, asking for the time. "Don't worry. I've reserved a hotel for us. It should be right... here!" Pat hummed, slowing down when they reached a Wyndham and turning into the hotel lot. Stretching as he got out, Paul moved to the back, opening the back door and retrieving Tord, who was fast asleep. "I can carry him." Pat suggested, rolling his eyes as Paul shot him a sideways glare. "Get the crib." Paul instructed as he walked into the hotel. Pat smiled, muttering a "Yes sir" as he removed the mobile crib from the car and grabbed their suitcases from the back.

"Our room number is Twelve." Paul informed, leading Pat to their room and unlocking their door.

With a whistle, Pat followed Paul into the room. It was impressive, to say the least. Everything was clean, in perfect order, and generally exactly like the pictures showed it to be. "It's like a real house." Paul mused. Pat looked around, searching for a good place to settle the crib. Pat ended up settling Tord's crib in the middle of the two beds in the room, after much arguing with Paul.

"Alright, he's in bed. Now, it's our turn." Pat hummed, removing his top shirt and his pants, leaving him in only an undershirt and a pair of boxers. Paul looked over at Paul with slight envy. He was always a bit chubbier than Pat, and he wasn't exactly the prettiest man in the world. Pat seemed to have it all. Toned muscles, high intellect, and solid willpower and obedience. Paul, on the other hand, wasn't as lucky in those departments. He had very little muscle, his intellect wasn't any higher than the average Carrier Pigeon (according to Red Leader), and he was easily distracted. He could never keep enough focus to follow orders...

"Sweetheart, how many times do I need to tell you to stop comparing yourself to me?" Pat sighed. Paul looked away bashfully, sitting on the bed nearest the window. "Do you really want to sleep alone tonight?" Pat asked. Paul nodded, arms wrapping around himself. Pat frowned, walking over to Paul and hugging him gently, placing a gentle kiss on his lips, and a soft nip on his right cheek before returning to the opposite bed and lying down.

Paul copied Pat's routine, turning out the light before lying down. "I love you, Pat." Paul whispered. "I love you too, baby." Pat replied, sighing as he closed his eyes.

Paul sighed as well, lying in wait, eyes open as his mind raced. "I can't sleep..." Paul whispered to himself, looking over to Pat's sleeping body. 'Would he be okay with me moving over to his bed?' Paul thought, not caring about the answer and getting out of his bed, slowly crawling under Pat's covers and cuddling against him. "Can't sleep either?" Pat muttered, scaring the living daylights out of Paul.

Pat apologized, humming as Paul nodded in response to his question. "Can we just cuddle?" Paul pleaded. Pat said no words, hauling Paul over top of him. Paul giggled quietly, lying his head on Pat's chest. Pat reciprocated by wrapping his arms around Paul's torso.

"Why do you compare us so?" Pat finally asked after a good two minutes.

"Because you're perfect." Paul sighed blatantly. "No one's perfect. Not even me." Pat replied. "I don't believe that. You're so strong, and built, and smart! I'm just... fat, and dumb." Paul whimpered. "Don't say that! It's not true!" Pat commanded, eyes watering along with Paul's. Pat was always the first to get to emotional during this topic. He had lost too many friends due to their comparisons of themselves to him. "That's what Red Leader says..." Paul responded, sobbing as Pat pulled him closer, kissing at his forehead. "He's wrong. Do you hear me? He doesn't know what he's talking about." Pat growled, tears sliding down his cheeks as well.

"He's still smarter than I am. I can't even direct us away from a cloudberg!" Paul whined, stopping when Tord began whimpering slightly.

When they were sure Tord wouldn't wake up any time soon, Paul and Pat looked at each other, a silent conversation going on between them before they began an intimate kiss, clawing and tearing at each other's clothing, passion and tension driving them and their intentions sky high.

Sighs and soft whimpers filled the room, along with compliments and encouragements, which were nothing short of true utterings of love.

It was over as quickly as it had started, but it left both men refreshed. It always had.

"Okay... I'm tired now." Pat chuckled, smiling as Paul giggled at the statement. "Me too." Paul sighed. "I can't believe we didn't wake up the baby." Pat mused, smirking playfully as Paul placed a finger on his lips, as if silently saying "Don't jinx it!"

"Okay! Mr. bossy." Pat chuckled.

Both men yawned, refusing to let go of each other for one bit, just enjoying each other's company.

"Pah-Pat! Pah-Pat!" Tord shouted, clapping his hands together. "Again! Again!" Tord giggled. Pat and Paul stared at each other in horror. Had Tord been awake that whole time?!

"I. Am personally. Going. To kill you." Paul hissed. "What?! You went with it!" Pat shouted.

The rest of that night consisted of arguing, giggling, apologies, forgiveness, and angry neighboring families. "So, this is why some people don't have babies."

"PATRYCK!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get to write the other thing I write best. It's okay though, I might make a separate fic involving Pat, Paul, and toddler Tord.
> 
> Heh, maybe I'll name it: "Only when he's asleep"
> 
> (Don't take that seriously. I wouldn't do that to these two)


	5. 20 Inhalers!

Okay, this is isn't part of the story, but I just wanted to announce that we have gotten Pat 21 INHALERS! Now, he will have enough air to sigh as much as he wants during the next five chapters!

Unless he manages to sigh at least five times in each of the next chapters, but we can worry about getting to 40 inhalers later.

Thank you for all of your support! You guys are what keep me going! <3

Extra note/question: I need some prompts for a few one shots. I've been focusing on things like that, recently to get away from some of my chaptered fics. So, you can request any here, or on my Tumblr page, just put the prompts under the name Eddsworld prompts.

Here's a link: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eddsworldprompts

So, with that done, fill my head with ideas! I love you guys! <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> Pat does a lot of sighing in this fic. One kudos equals one more inhaler for him throughout the fic.


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